Day 4 as a single woman

Sorry for posting this late.

I still don’t feel single.

I appreciate all my amazing friends they are the best support anyone could ever have. Even tho most of them are not in the city right now, every single one has been amazing and supportive, and the ones that were here have all sat through my boring and repetitive talking  about the matter and taken me out or stayed in with me. They are amazing help. I regret going MIA for almost two years but its a mistake I will never make again. I feel so blessed to know they still love me and are here for me.

I miss him, its an ache that I think I will have to learn to live with, but then again, its only been four days.

I really really hope with all my heart that he’s happy, or that he will be eventually and that he won’t be lonely.

Well and yes I still love him.

Overall I just miss my best friend.

xoxo

4 notes
Day 3 as a single woman

I feel much better today (I think). I think I have not accepted my new status, I don’t know what needs to happen for it to sink in my head. Maybe he has to kiss someone else, I really do not know. But I woke up numb not really feeling anything at all and was able to do all my daily tasks without any extra effort. (Although watching this couple walking down the street hand in hand did sunk my heart momentarily.)

I feel lonely tho. He was my best friend in the planet. Things happen and I think to myself “I can’t wait to tell..oh” and then I remember we are no longer friends, or lovers.

I left my house tho, a friend picked me up and we went to the gym. That helped a lot. But you have been in my head all day long. I know I still have hope, so i’m trying to think the worst possible outcome is gonna happen. I know it sounds stupid but I guess expecting the worse will make it less hard if it happens, and if it’s better then good. I don’t wanna get my hopes up to have them crushed, i’m prepared for pain (if it’s even possible for it to get worse).

Am I hurt? Yes. But do I love him? Yes I do. I guess a part of me always will. 

Overall I just miss my best friend.

xoxo

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Day 2 as a single woman

The last thing I feel is like a single woman. I noticed I still have hope, which I shouldn’t that will only make everything harder.

I know that at least I have so much love to give, but one can’t live with a constant paranoia. Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you. 

The pain and ache still lingers on me, there is a knot in my throat. My lips still feel the last kiss, we both knew it was the last one, we kissed each other hungrily not wanting it to ever end. 

I wonder how you feel, if you also want me back, or if it’s in the past already for you. (If it is please tell me HOW?!) I feel like I haven’t accepted the idea though, I can’t imagine anyone but you. 

I never thought daily tasks could become tedious and impossible like leaving my bed, getting some sleep, eating, even brushing my teeth.

Love is hard, you give one single person the power to make you the happiest person on the planet or the most miserable one. I wish there was a quick solution that would take that power away.

Overall I just miss my best friend…

xoxo

19 notes
Day 1 as a single woman (again)

I feel like crap. The ache is unbearable, everything aches from the tip of my toes to the ends of my hair. The feeling and pain in my chest, could be described as a tiny triangle in my chest filled with mints, but its unbearable.

I guess I didn’t want this, but there is no other way, if there was a way to stay together I would but there isn’t. Does anyone know how to go back in time?

He fucked up way too many times, and I can’t find a way to trust him again, if there was I would. Cause I love him more than anything.

Sometimes I wonder if the love he felt was real, if he really loved me. I really don’t know anymore. To be honest I don’t know anything. Is it possible to love again? To trust someone again? Actually, is it possible to forget? To let go? To ever stop hurting? To move on?

After two years I feel like a helium balloon that was safely held by someone and that suddenly had its strings cut to be left alone floating away and away just drifting further and further, completely lost. 

I don’t know how I am ever gonna have both of my feet on the ground again.

Overall I just miss my best friend…

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Honestly, today is the first time in my life in which ive wanted to be dead. I want to die right here right now. I see no happiness in the future. I have no motivation for anything. I do not see the point of living anymore. What are you supposed to do when you feel this way? Is there a way to make it stop?

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I’m not always as confident as I seem … there are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about what is bothering me … sometimes I just want a hug … someone who will let me cry. I like when boys cry in front of me — when people aren’t afraid to show what they’re really feeling. I don’t like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn’t do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it’s like to see something funny and not laugh. I’ve been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart … and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever. 

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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wouldnt it be fucking scary if you had a clock that counted down until the moment you die like what if it could be altered too like one day it says 70 years left but then you do something and it says 10 minutes left and youre like what the fuck i fucked up i fucked up i fucked up

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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if you’re ever feeling down and unappreciated just think of the members of maroon 5 that aren’t adam levine 

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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If you have boobs but you are still paying for your drinks, contact us, you might be doing something wrong.

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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SEX

Sex is not a goddamn performance.

Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.

It should not require confidence.

Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.

Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.

You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.

It’s not about being “good in bed.”

It’s about being happy.

One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.

What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you.

Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.

Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be.

I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.

I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want.

It’s originality.

It’s passion.

It’s joy.

Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.

I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.

“Good in bed,” what.

You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you.

Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel.

This isn’t a test.

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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when i’m studying and/or doing homework the most interesting thing in the world is to count how many doors there are in my house and if the refrigerator door counts or not

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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Ustedes jodanme lo que quieran pero James Blunt piensa que soy beautiful.

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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baby, I got you doin’ dirt, doin’ dirt,

and now you wanna find me but i’m off the run,

your heart’s exploding like a burning sun,

you know I like it when it hurts, when it hurts…

hold me, we’re dancing in the dark of the night

i’m shining like a neon light

you light me up when you get inside

so won’t you touch me? cause everybody’s watching us now

we’re putting on a show for the crowd

i’ll turn it up baby, make it loud…

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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"Try to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes."

(Source: letmespeakrandomly)

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